Its been six weeks since we left land to live on our boat. Before we left, I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what it would be like. I read everything I could find, I asked a million questions on several facebook groups and forums full of experienced cruisers, I was as prepared as I could be.
That being said, I still can’t believe how HARD it has been. I can’t believe how weirdly normal it all seemed, pretty much instantly. I can’t believe how comfortable it has been in between the stress. How normal it is to take the dinghy to shore, grocery shop whilst keeping in mind that everything has to be hauled for quite a way in the dinghy, sleep with our house rocking on the water… all of it. I thought it would be so strange, and its just… not.
I am continually surprised by the things that I find hard to deal with (the heat and humidity are far far worse than I expected and effect me more than I thought they would and I MISS MY CHIROPRACTOR!!!), and surprised by the things that don’t bother me at all (Motion sickness hasn’t been an issue except ONCE when we were on really choppy waters… miraculous! Love my seaband!).
I’m surprised by how amazing the amazing moments are and how they seem to happen right in the midst of seeming chaos and stress.
Case in point, I got both of these gorgeous sunset-silhouette photos of Paris and Jazz/Kainan and Kara because the boat was perfectly still right at that moment… because we had broken down and were sitting at anchor while Patrick tried to fix the problem. Once due to transmission problems. Right in the middle of a VERY busy and very small channel. The other time was just because we were waiting for a bridge in a line with other boats waiting not so patiently for an opening to cross through.
I got this photo of all of my kids jumping in to work together, and I love it, but the only reason they had to jump in ad work together was because a huge power boat tried to nose in front of us whilst waiting for yet another bridge, causing a big amount of chaos, a dive into the ocean and dinghy rescue on top of other things. I’ll post about the whole chaotic incident later this week.
I got these (and a bunch more gorgeous photos) of the kids and dogs swimming, kayaking and snorkeling in the water in what was actually a very stressful unwelcoming place to be.
It is an incredibly beautiful experience and yet at the same time so much more than I expected. Having to stop in the middle of the night when a crab pot got stuck in our propeller. Everyone feeling stressed in the middle of an already stressful week… and yet as we untangled the lines from our prop, the light attracted tons of lively little fish… which attracted squid, larger fish and a whole light show filled with fish for us to watch for a quiet moment. Hearing, “Its things like this that make it all worth it” from the guests who’ve had a fairly disappointing week!
This was not my dream, not by any stretch of the imagination. I started on this journey just to support my husband. The hard times have been really hard for me, because I can’t fall back on “This is what I’ve always wanted to do” or “Just remember all of the wonderful things you’ve always wanted/been waiting for!”, and yet, even in the midst of the most stressful times, there is nowhere else I’d rather be than trying this adventure with my family. Seriously, Patrick said to me the other day, “So, I guess we probably need to start making plans to move back to land here pretty soon?” and I was just thinking, “What? Absolutely NOT!” even though I was in tears of stress and exhaustion from all of the boat problems, weather issues, and all of the ups and downs. There is seriously nowhere else I’d want to be. This just has so much potential, there is always a chance for change. I can always think, “Well, the next place/week/day/month has to be better… or even just different! I only have to get through right now and things will change again…”
And in the midst of stress, I just wait for that quiet moment when things are just… right.