The Hard Part. Leaving Family Behind. My Son, Kainan

We have five kids. Three of them are going on the boat adventure with us. Two are staying here.

I’ve homeschooled the kids through most of the years (there have been some concurrent community college classes and Kainan actually went to a public high school starting in 10th grade) and we’re all really close.

10298175_10152066978275773_4623372197982658850_o

12038616_930481687044713_1662804125790624534_o
The Kids 2015

I am really excited to be setting out on this new adventure.  I am.

15998_696446237114927_2716199354084367598_n

I am really NOT excited about leaving my son behind.  Yes, he’s an adult (he just turned 20) and yes, he’ll be fine by himself.  But unlike my daughter, Sprite (24), he doesn’t have a spouse and a child and a built in little family. Plus, he *just* moved out of the house in July!  He’s in that phase of life where everything is changing so fast, I hate to miss it. Plus, we’re close. He talks to me about almost everything and unlike the stereotype, he actually *listens* when I give him advice. He’s the funny one of the family (okay, so we’re all funny in our own way, but this kid cracks me UP often.) He’s also the one that comes across as a big old bad ass, but he’s really a big old sweetheart. And yeah, I’m sure like any other human on the planet he can be an “asshole” at times, too, but in general, he’s just a good, solid human with a good head on his shoulders (he jokes that he’s either a complete ass or a total sweetheart. His version of being a total ass is really… just him being blunt.)

I keep putting off writing this, because it sucks. It sucks to think about this part of things. I want to just pack him up with all of our things and make him go. Even though I know he’s happy here. He’s got his best friends here (they’ll be renting our house while we’re gone for at least a while), and his friends are really solid, awesome people. Plus, he now has his first real girlfriend here (and yeah, he had to start that right before we leave? I’m going to have to give advice over email 🙂 Just kidding. I think he’s got this whole ‘girl’ thing figured out after living in this family with 4 women his whole life!) Still, I’m sure there are going to be times he wants to talk about things and I won’t be here. The boy is going to have to learn how to be fine with email.

Anyway, I know he’ll be *fine*. I know I’ll be *fine*. I know we’ll all survive, but damn, I’m going to miss that kid in a serious, major way.

Thanksgiving is our last day here. I’m afraid its going to be a sobbing mess by the end of the day. I’m not even joking. Ugly crying will be happening.

I just have to keep telling myself that he wouldn’t be happy living on a boat. He’s somehow turned out to want a normal life and no more moving/changing. I don’t know where I went wrong. 😉

Damn it, typing whilst crying isn’t easy. Ugh.

When my mother in law had her stroke last December, Patrick and I went to her house two states away to help take care of her for her last days. This happened the December 23rd. Patrick went up first, thinking he could handle it. He decided he couldn’t do it without me there, just for emotional support. I left early Christmas morning. Kainan took care of everything. He made Christmas into a celebration for all the kids, even though they had no presents because I hadn’t had time to wrap anything and honestly, hadn’t even finished my shopping yet due to lack of funds. He took the kids shopping for groceries, they cooked meals together, celebrated New Year’s Eve together… and texted me photos often to let me know they were doing okay.

graduation

That’s the best thing about Kainan. You can totally trust him to be there when you need him and to step up and do it with a good attitude (well, maybe not keeping his room clean, but come on, he can’t be perfect!)

10891978_778383965587820_1411524489341151232_n 10537128_688684241224460_4304800032857686614_n 10690358_841689205923962_8376139215624566597_n

I love that my kids are close and get along well. Paris and Kainan are especially close. They are definitely BFFs moreso than the rest of the kids, though. Kainan has taken Paris out to new releases of their favorite movies for her birthday (spending his own money) since well before he could drive. Their “birthday dates” became a tradition that trumped pretty much anything else. They just have a blast together.

To give you an idea how much, Paris and I were up crying and talking about Kainan not being with us until 3:00 am the other night.

I’m telling you, its going to be hard. I still want to go, but I’m going to miss him, and I feel incredibly guilty because I know he’s going to miss us horribly as well… and, well, we’re the ones that are leaving. Ugh. I am so torn.

1471787_844688065624076_3507451130973168827_n    984184_694107747348776_8021136222326874193_n

This is the problem with raising wonderful, awesome human beings. At some point, you have to let them grow up and go. At this point, Kainan would pipe up and say, “GO? GO? Who’s the one who’s doing the GOING? I don’t think its ME!” 🙂

I’m holding onto the fact that he’s coming out to FL to visit for a week at Christmas time, and that part of my requirements for getting too far away is that we always keep an account for flying him out to us, or me back to him if he (or Sprite) need me.

Phew.

I took him to go get his first tattoo before we left. He has a thing for turtles. I guess I’ll be collecting a lot of turtle stuff on our journey.

12108031_938085009617714_5541803047753416256_n 12122799_938096492949899_6060765969185106063_n

Also, how many boys will let their sister do their makeup… on video… to put on youtube??? Of course it all started with Kainan doing her makeup for a “my brother does my makeup tag” and then Paris did his a while later. This kid right here (and of course, Jaedin did it too. My kids have no self esteem issues when it comes to making fun of themselves.)

12188945_942208865871995_3308662907922111118_n

This will probably give you a clearer picture of this boys crazy personality more than anything else. He’s awesome.

In the end, it is what it is. Patrick and I need to do this for our own mental health and well being. We’re not the type to sit still and do the normal routine and be happy. I just wish we’d have had the chance to do this when the kids were little and all had to come along!

Wish me luck.

Do you have kids that have ‘left the nest’? Was there anything that made it easier… or does it just take time?

 

Comments

comments